While I wait
by StolenRookie
Summary: She wasn't real, a hallucination to protect him from the painful truth infront of him. He didn't care that everyone of his co-workers could see him breaking down into gut renching sobs. He just held her.


"She went into cardiac arrest twenty minutes after she came in. We tried everything we could. I'm so sorry." The woman said as she looked from her chart to Sam.

Sam looked at Andy; she was wearing a black blouse and dark jeans, wearing a necklace of a lion on it around her neck.

Sam stood there in his uniform looking at her. She just shook her head, "I'm so sorry Sam." She said sadly.

The other Officers around Sam looked more upset then they should have been.

Dov stood there in shock and pain; he had a cut on his forehead and a bandage on his chin with dried blood on his uniform.

"This shouldn't have happened." Sam said staring at Dov.  
>"This is not his fault Sam. It was an accident and you know it!" Andy yelled defending Dov.<p>

"You think this is my fault?" Dov coughed out, attempting to yell as tears fell from his eyes.  
>"Go eays on him. He didn't do anything wrong!" Andy yelled behind Sam.<p>

"This is your fault."

Sam said gruffly as he turned and left the hospital, Andy in tow. They left Dov staring at his retreating back; tears streaming down his face, before his knees buckled and the sobs he'd been trying to hold escaped.

* * *

><p>For two whole days Sam stayed at the station, eating from the coffee shop down the road, showering in the locker room and sleeping in an empty seat at night 'till parade started in the morning. He avoided anyone he knew and practically floated through the station, ignoring his phone and patrolled with anyone but Dov.<p>

Andy hadn't shown up for work for those two days and Sam wondered if she took time off, he wanted to call her but didn't, for some reason he had a feeling it would go straight to voice mail.

"You've been here for days Sammy, you need to go home." Oliver's voice filled with both understanding and pain.  
>"I need, for people to stop telling me what I should do." Sam answered annoyed and walked off to booking.<p>

"You know what you should do?" Andy said as she walked with Sam across the bullpen.

Sam gave an aggravated sigh and glanced at her. "Why haven't you changed from Friday night?"  
>"Oh," she glanced down at her clothes, "I washed them last night and thought why not wear it today. Besides it will look nice for the the-"<p>

Dov interupted Andy getting Sam's attention.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sam stopped walking and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
>"You know what's funny? Since I've taken all of your calls, no one has died!" Sam laughed, although his laugh sounded hollow.<p>

Dov's face contorted into sadness but he seemed to understand why Sam was acting this way.

"Look you want to be mad at me go ahead. I understand. But Sarah called and wanted to make sure you show up this afternoon."

"Oh right! Yeah, put us down for Andy plus one!" Andy laughed.

"I'm not going anywhere." Sam answered and turned back down the hall.  
>Andy looked back between Dov and Sam and chased after Sam.<p>

"Ah! Sam, come on you've gotta go! Can we go?" Andy almost begged.  
>"No."<br>She walked in silence for a momment.  
>"How about now?" She smiled, knowing she was pushing his buttons.<br>"No, I'm not attending Lily's party, she's turning one and she'll have no clue whats going on. There's no point." Sam explained exasperated.  
>Andy sighed, "Come on! you'll regret it if you don't."<p>

Sam stopped walking to look Andy in the eye.  
>"I know you think that Andy but, you don't understand." At her silence he elaborated.<p>

"Look around Andy, this is not some idiot convention and trust me if it was that guy down in cell five would win first prize. My point is that if I'm not here people die."

"If I'm not here people die!" Andy mocked making her voice gruff to imitate Sam's.  
>Sam laughed at his wife's intensely good mood.<p>

"Come on just let me take this little scowl you love so much, and save it for later in my pocket. So you can take off for the afternoon and let one of the other officers take over for you." Andy explained as she put her hand into her pocket, pretending that she took his anger and placed it into her pocket.  
>Sam's scowled lightened as his lip twitched, trying not to smile.<p>

"So can we go now?"

"Provided that'll get you off my back?"

Andy held up one finger, smiling innocently. "One more thing though."  
>Sam rolled his eyes as Andy pushed him toward the locker room.<p>

"Come on Andy."

"Just go in there." She sighed as she pushed him through the door.

Dov sat on one of the benches; chin on the palms of his hands as he looked out the window. He was wearing a suit, ready for the afternoon ahead.

"You've gotta forgive him." Andy said calmly behind Sam.

Sam sighed, walked over to Dov and sat down. Andy sat down a couple benches away from the two and watched.  
>Dov looked at Sam, tears in his eyes.<p>

"What? Are you here to yell at me some more?" Dov asked, his voice cracked as he tried not to sob.

"No, I...um I came here to say that what...happened. Wasn't your fault and...I'm sorry."  
>A tear fell from Dov's eyes.<br>He didn't really know what to say, he and Sam never really spoke too often so he manged to answer with, "Thanks, I-uh- I needed to hear that."

Andy smiled at them.  
>"I'm glad you two have forgiven each other and all but we REALLY need to go get ready or we're going to be late!"<br>Andy stood and left the locker room with Sam and Dov right behind her.

* * *

><p>"I'm glad you made it." Andy smiled and she and Sam walked through a field covered in dead grass and fallen leaves from the fall weather.<p>

"I, like the suit by the way." Andy complemented; Sam was dressed in a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath. The tie that was around his neck wasn't tied, Andy claimed there wasn't enough time to tie it and she would tie it later. Andy though was still in her black blouse and dark jeans with the lion necklace. Her hair was still flowing and soft, just like it was friday night on their date.

"Listen," Andy stopped walking with Sam and looked down the field where the rest of their friends and family were; dressed up in black suits and dresses.  
>Sarah Swarek stood watching Sam holding his daughter Lily, who was also in a black dress but had a little black bow in her brown hair.<p>

Sam smiled at Andy.  
>"You can't keep me from getting drunk."<br>She ignored the joke and continued; "You have to forgive yourself for what went down the other day." She asked, her face filled with pain.  
>Sam laughed. "You're going to be the death of me Andy."<p>

Andy's eyes filled with tears but she gave Sam a sad smile.

"Yeah.."  
>"Okay." Sam agreed.<br>"Good."  
>"Where's your camera? Aren't you gonna take some pictures?" Sam asked changing the subject.<p>

"Pictures of what?" Dov asked from behind Sam.

Sam turned to Dov and smiled.  
>"You know, crying babies covered in chocolate. People saying happy birthday to my daughter who've never even met her know. The whole routine."<p>

"Where do you think we are?"

Sam looked behind him to Andy and noticed she was gone and it all came back.  
>The field he was standing on was not where they had planned their daughter's first birthday party on, it was a graveyard.<p>

And the girl who died two days before, was Andy and he was here for her funeral.

He remebered how she died even though he pushed it far from his memory, to the point where he was seeing Andy even though she wasn't there.

The last time he'd seen Andy alive was after their date Friday night.

Dov picked her up from the theatre after their date in the late afternoon, so that she could make it for her shift, whilst Sam went to the Daycare centre to pick up Lily and to take her to the Shaw's for the night whilst they were both at work.

She'd been on the job, her and Dov were riding together; taking a girl, a victim for an assult, back to the barn when a drunk driver smashed into the cruiser.

He remembered that Sarah had been watching Lily while Sam lost himself into his work, using his hallucinations to ignore what was really happening.

She wasn't real, a hallucination to protect him from the painful truth infront of him.

Sam looked around the graveyard, seeing their friends and family.

They weren't in party wear to celebrate Lily's first completed year of life.  
>They were here to commenmorate and remember Andy McNally, the life she had lived to the fullest until she had been taken from them.<p>

Sam looked back at the empty space where Andy once stood in his mind moments ago then looked at Dov, tears in both of their eyes as they started to walk down the graveyard towards the others where they got into seats for the service.

The seats filled as Sam and Dov stared at her closed coffin.

Sarah sat on the other side of Sam with Lily in her arms.

He didn't dare to look at Lily, it pained him for right now, for all he saw on his little girl's face was Andy's.  
>He refused to think that she would grow up without her Mother just like Andy.<br>He knew she didn't understand right now but some day she'd ask Sam why her Mother is gone and Sam couldn't think of an answer for her to both explain Andy's death and to show her how amazing her Mother was.

As the priest spoke Sam tuned him out, tears fell silently down his face as he stared at the family photo of his self, Lily and Andy standing together smiling.

He thought about all the things he'd been through with Andy.

Like when she tackled him in the back alley, and tried to kiss him.

Every blunder she'd made as a rookie.

Every joke they made in the car and every dangerous moment she thrusted herself into.

He thought about the pain her went through as he watched her with Luke Callaghan and the joy he felt when she left him.

He thought about when he'd asked Andy to marry him; how big he smiled when she'd said yes.

His mind drifted to their first dance, the song 'We Will Dance' by Steven Curtis Chapman played as they swayed around the dance floor.

He remembered when she told him she was pregnant; she put little baby shoes by his so when they got ready for work he'd ask about them and he was over-joyed when she told him those shoes were for their baby.

He remembered Lily's birth and how he and Andy still managed to tease each other during it all.

He loved watching Lily's first year with Andy, first smile, first steps and her first words which were "Nope!" Which Sam still found funny.

It pained him more than he could ever show knowing she was gone, she'd crashed into his life,  
>practically kicking down his walls and capturing his heart like she'd conquered a mountain. Flag and all.<p>

To have her be pulled out his life so forcefully was like being slowly tortured, the idea of him not riding with her, going home to her, laughing, talking or even looking at her hurt and he knew this pain would never go away.  
>But he'd be strong, for his little girl. Without her Sam would have probably joined Andy by now though it was a painful thing to realise but it was true. She'd taken him six feet under with her, he'd never be the same but he'd be there for Lily in anyway he could.<p>

Sam wanted her to come back, he didn't care if only he could see her, he didn't care if it seemed crazy.  
>He just wanted to hear her voice again, to talk and laugh with her again.<p>

Sam stood over the hole in the ground where her coffin was now placed and Tommy handed him a bouquet of flowers, they were white orchids with a red rose in the center. A sob escaped Sam as he remembered Andy mentioning the flowers in his hallucination mere hours before.

Sam knelt down and whispered "I love you Andy." before he let the flowers drop into the pit.

Tommy McNally knelt down next whispering his goodbyes as he too placed an orange flower on her coffin.

Sarah walked over to Sam with Lily in her arms.  
>She placed Lily on the ground next to Sam and he took Lily's hand, Sarah took Sam's other hand, squeezing it tightly for support.<p>

Tommy handed Lily two flowers, a bright pink one which was going to be the colour of the frosting on Lily's cake and a Lily and a white one like Sam's

She looked up at Sam, counfused.  
>He knelt down, letting go of Sarah's hand.<br>He took the flowers from Lily's hand and placed them next to his.

Lily started to cry, she was scared and confused, Sam picked her up and held her close.

She wrapped her arms around Sam neck as they cried. Sam didn't care that everyone of his co-workers could see him breaking down into gut renching sobs.  
>He just held her.<p>

After the service ended Sam stod infront of the grave holding Lily's hand as he read the words on the stone over and over again.

Andrea McNally-Swarek 1985 - 2011  
>Amazing Wife. Loving Mother and a Briliant Copper<br>Will allways be honored at 15 Divison and remember by her family and friends.

* * *

><p><strong>* I'm sorry about how sad this is!<strong>  
><strong>I was watching Scrubs and I watched Ben's death and I had to incorperate it into Rookie Blue.<strong>  
><strong>Sorry I haven't updated Years in a while but I'm in a rut.<strong>  
><strong>So that's why I've been writing one-shots, I have like one more in my mind and then I plan on working on alittle Sandy youtube vid :DDD<strong>

**I hope you guys liked it!**  
><strong>Review letting me know I love hearing from you!<strong>

**PS: You guys excited for the next episode? I am...sorta. I'm happy that Andy and Luke are ending (Hopefully)**  
><strong>but I donno I'm not like, freaking out excited like normal.<strong>  
><strong>I don't think they are going to break up only for what I've heard about episode 7.<strong>

***Spoiler***  
><strong>I heard that we WILL find out what happened to Zoe Martinelli in episode 7! :DDD And apperently Luke is going to flips shit and try to follow this lead after being kicked off the task force because it was to personal for Luke and he trys to get Andy to follow up on the lead which puts in her in danger!<strong>  
><strong>(No Surpise there :P)<strong>

**Also I did find out a bit about Sam and Andy from Ben Bass, he said that fans may get what they want (Which from thurther researh is the whole Andy saying "Ask me to stay" an they have sex bit) but its not going to be exactly what we hoped for and that Sam will be put in HUGE danger near the end of the season! I'm nervous for him.**

**PSS: Stop the hate on Luke! He may be a cheater but Eric Johnson is freaking lovely, he's has VERY funny tweets and ugh I sound like a fan girl but hes cute personality wise (I'm not too into blondes xD)**

**PSSS (Sorry!) Andy doesn't wear her ring on her finger you guys! She wears it on her neck now. She had it around her neck in the locker room in episode 5, just needed to point this out.**


End file.
